Intrapersonal Communication- Definitional

Definitional-
Two people in a relationship usually live by rules and norms developed and defined by their society. Norms are rules, implicit or explicit, about our behavior. From these norms, we develop expectations for how people will act. We also have roles, which are a set of norms that connect to a certain class in society. More specifically, we have enacted vs. expected roles. An expected role would be our pre conceived notion of a teacher, and an enacted role would be how that teacher portrays his or herself in the classroom. Interrole conflict occurs when a person is occupying two or more roles that entail contradictory expectations about a particular behavior. You experience an intrarole conflict when contradictory expectations are expected from one role.
A dialectical approach sees relationships in terms of opposing impulses that create tension between two people. This approach makes four main assumptions. One assumption is that contradictions are needed in relationships in order to promote change and create vitality. Second, “there is a dynamic tension between stability and change in all social systems.”(277) The third assumption is that we communicate to others, and we are reactive to the communication we receive in return. Lastly, we understand the dynamics of something only from experiencing other things that help us reflect on the situation. The three primary dialects that create tension are: autonomy vs. connection; certainty vs. uncertainty; and openness vs. closedness. In a relationship we want to feel a strong bond with someone, but we also want our own space, which creates the conflict between autonomy and connection. We look for excitement in a relationship, but we also look for predictability and trust which produces the conflict of certainty and uncertainty. It is important to keep information to ourselves, but it is all imperative that we be open with those in our lives. Sometimes the line in between open and closed can create tension. To assess the quality of an interpersonal relationship we use a few key concepts. One is that after two people have been together, their conversations should be about things other then what is happening around them and more based physiologically. Rules in a relationship that is healthy are usually developed by those two people rather than shaped by tradition. Rules are also defined by specific personal characteristics. In a good relationship, emphasis is placed on individual choices. A key term in this section is self disclosure. Self disclosure is the amount of information you make known about yourself intentionally. The Johari Window is very important when dealing with interpersonal communication. Box one is defined as open. This means that this information is known to you and others. An example of this would be that I am a girl with brown hair. Box two is blind. This information is known to others but not to yourself. This concept goes along with someone not believing they are a good dancer when others think they are. Box three is hidden. This information you know, but others do not. These consist of your personal secrets. The last box is unknown. This is yet to be discovered by anyone. Trust and reciprocity will help guide people around the window. When we trust someone, our information becomes open. We must reciprocate the trust. Internet dating provides a good example of self disclosure. We can reveal or conceal whatever we want about ourselves in order for someone to form a view of us. It is important to ask yourself whether or not self disclosure is appropriate in that particular relationship.
Normally when we hear the word intimacy we think of sexual intercourse. Intimacy though, is defined as closeness, and is measured in numerous ways. It is important in a healthy relationship to find balance between being together all the time and being independent. There are three different attachment types that Tubbs and Moss define. A secure attachment occurs when the two people are secure and comfortable with the relationship. An avoidant relationship happens when the bond between two people makes them uncomfortable. An anxious-ambivalent relationship is between people who have a complete fear of being abandoned. This type of person is probably deeply concerned with affiliation meaning they need to be around people most of their time.
Commitment is something that is horribly important in a relationship. Commitment is defined as, “the resolve to continue in a relationship indefinitely and to make the efforts necessary to ensure that it will continue.”(292) In our society, marriage is the ultimate fulfillment of commitment. Some are very scared of this because it restrains them for the rest of their lives. Living together can also be step that most people fear, even though it is important so that two people can learn to exist in the same place. In a balanced relationship, intimacy, love, passion, and decision/commitment are all in balance. This is highlighted in Sternberg’s Love Triangle. If the sides are unbalanced, the relationship is also unbalanced.
Love styles are something that define a relationship. Eros is a passionate love, and Ludus is a game playing love. Storge is a friendship based love and Pragma is a practical love. Mania is possessive love and Agape love is selfless.
Most commonly in a relationship, you can determine the dominance, status, and power. People with a strong need for dominance and high affiliation are more likely to direct. People with a low need for dominance and a low affiliation usually retreat from a relationship. Tubbs and Moss define status as, “the position of an individual in relation to another or others.”(300) Many people care about their status, and it puts a great strain on the relationship. In order for a person to have power, it must be given. This being said, if someone has power over you, you have let them. This is something in the relationship that you should have control over.
Power is discussed many times in terms of gender. There are four bases of gendered power. Force is asserted through physical force and emotional distress. Men usually lead in force because society sees them to be more powerful in that manner. Men also usually hold positions of power more often and for that they tend to have more resources. Usually, men also control ideology through their roles. Women are usually defined as warm, but because of this, men tend to have more power over their freedom creating unequal social obligations. Many experts agree that even marriages today are still unequal because of gender. To make a relationship equal, partners need to assess their equality and make sure that they are assertive in order to establish their needs. Being too assertive will become a huge problem. Sometimes when you express your own thoughts and feelings, you do so at the other person’s expense. The art of a relationship is balance. Two people will have a healthy relationship if they are constantly reflecting on their “equilibrium”.
In order to understand more about interpersonal communication, we must learn about relationships in detail. There are many bases in human attraction that help us get to know each other more. The first one is proximity, which is our “geographical closeness” to someone. (233) Another is similarity. Many scientists have found that we tend to be attracted to people who are similar to us. There are different things that make us draw ourselves away from someone. These things include knowing if someone likes you back, a change in self-esteem, anxiety, isolation, dating minimally, and online dating.
To define the context of a relationship we have to reflect on two things. The setting or the environment that we have grown up influences our characteristics thus creating similarities with people who also grew up in that environment. Our communication climate is also significant. A way of measuring our climate is through confirmation and disconfirmation. It is satisfying to receive confirmation from your partner and it can be incredibly damaging to receive no confirmation. In a relationship, a good partner is supportive and non defensive. When we feel threatened we immediately become defensive and it is usually not necessary. It is important to realize that the main ingredient for relationships to grow is time. Relationships are all different in the ways they share information. It is important to talk about a variety of topics with a great amount of depth. Trust is a fundamental part of relationships. If we feel lied to or deceived, we immediately close up, and the event can make trusting again difficult. People in relationships must find a balance between affection and control. Affection can be loving and passionate, but it can also be hostile.
Two people may become lifelong partners, but in order to do so they must first go through certain steps. The entire process is defined as, “coming together.” (249) The first step is initiating and making the firsts steps to create conversation. The second step is experimenting where people try to learn more about each other. The intensifying step marks the beginning or intimacy in the relationship. The integrating step happens when two people consider themselves to be a couple. The last step is bonding, which can take form in marriage. A couple comes apart using steps too. The differentiating step occurs when two people decide their relationship is to “clingy”. The circumscribing step refers to a decrease in time that a couple spends with each other. Stagnating happens when two people try to hold onto a relationship that is deteriorating. When a person is on the avoidance step they are trying to cope with the pain in the demise of the relationship. Terminating occurs at end and is the final stage.
As people study why relationships end they realize that it happens in phases. The first phase is intrapsychic. This stage is usually internal. The dyadic phase occurs when the two people in the relationship confront each other. When the couple starts seeking advice from other people they are in the social phase. In the grave dressing phase we usually turn to others so that we may justify that what we are doing is right. To maintain relationships, researchers have found that it helps to be positive, be open, assure the other person, spend time with common friends, and share tasks. It is also imperative to be supportive, a good sharer, and to spend time with each other.
Our relationships with family are usually the ones that matter most to us. Early on in a child’s life, a parent establishes gender roles in the family. It is important to view a family as a system so that you can classify the relationship networks. Nurturing families tend to be open systems. Every family has a set of rules that each family member knows and follows. Families with adolescents usually have an increase in social conflict. Teenagers are going through intense changes and their relationships usually change as a part of that.
Bibliography:
Tubbs, Stewart, & Moss, Sylvia (1974). Human Communication. New York, New York: McGraw-Hill .